The whole world, or you?

Recognition and charisma are two sentimental ghosts that should outflank us in any routine we decide to take. I believe that I learned this in a twenty-minute conversation I had with my great-uncle at a bus stop. For some reason, as soon as a child ran past us, he turned to me and said:
         - Young lady, close your eyes and let your imagination flow. Just listen. Think of all those grumpy people  that pass beside you on the street and you may believe that it's not worth to smile. Maybe you also think that it's not worth to try, after all, not many got where they wanted to so why would you get there, right? You will have this thought until the day you wake up and it's with regret that you leave the covers and put the most comfortable and presentable clothing that you have to, then, face the rest of the day.
         You run to the bus stop, oh, you were late. By a twist of fate, the driver knows you and instead of just leaving, he waits for you. You think it's weird, but you thank him and sit on a bench on the left. When you get near to the service, you get off the bus and you realize you must pass through that newsstand that smells strongly as tobacco. Before moving on, you have the idea to cross the street just to avoid contact with the man who never greets you. The laziness, then, take its part and, hum, one newspaper's headline is kind of interesting. You czech your pockets and apparently there are some coins that have been the change of your coffee the day before.
         - I don't like coffee, Grandpa! You should know that a eleven year-old child do not drink coffee.
         - Payback of popsicles, then, okay!? Close your eyes again. Well, then grabs a copy of the newspaper and , with a sleepy face too exaggerated for a Thursday, you'll pay for it to Mr. smoker. My God ! He smiles at you, and what a surprise, his eyes are dark bright as you imagined to be in the ocean depths. You realize that you had never seen them. You smile back at him, a wry smile of gratitude for the journal and shame, because you have never tried to look at those eyes before.
         Walking a couple of blocks away, you enter the building in which you work and think about going straight to your department, without even saying "good morning" to the secretaries that are always in a strange constancy of sanding their nails. But the day has barely begun and have already surprised so much, so you wonder: what will happen if I greet them? Well, you just found out that you will go up in the elevator with a chocolate cookie in your hands. Since when they have these cookies?
         Already in your room, your reports assistant is waiting for you with an immense paperwork. You just smiles and say:
         - That's it for today?
         While she grimaces and replies:
         - Are you all right?
         - Let's say that the world seems to be in my favor today.
         The auxiliary laughs and then tells you:
         - Or it's because they think it's strange to wear slippers with a social clothing.
         At this time, my great-uncle went silent. I waited for him to continue the narrative, but I looked to my side and he just watched me with a curious look. My face must have been funny because he just looked away to catch the bus fare in the moment it was coming as he said:
          - It's a metaphor, daughter. Maybe you're too small and I'm just an old senile, but what changed? The whole world, or you ?
       We  took the bus and stopped thinking in the story. Two years later, my great-uncle left us, without explaining the metaphor to me, and now, four years later, I miss him and feel a tightness on my heart, because I think I understood the story only now and I wanted to be assured that slippers will be in my hands, one day.

Talking about evolution...

     I know that many sociologists dislike the term "evolution" because we would be comparing one nation with another, one belief to another and so on. But when we compare ourselves from years ago to ourselves today, I think the term evolution would have his chance to be well used. In what do we base to see if we evolved? In our simple contentment with the person we are, with the person we became.

         When I was a little girl, many people would come to me and tell me I should fight for my rights. But when you're 4 years old, oh man, you not even think about what the hell this citizen is talking about. Then you finally get to that age when you use both full hands to show how old you are. In this time probably you're already on secondary school and that's where you figure out what all that random citizens have been telling you.
         It's really true that when young you may have your parents or any adult to protect you, to fight for you if some unfair fact occurs but, is it right to say they have solved your problem as you wanted to? When you make yourself this question, it's because it's the time for you to try to solve them. You may make some mistakes at first place, os course, but if it works, it is so nice to see that something happened to you because and just because you ran after it.

        

His departure would be a fresh start...

     The wind enters through the blinds of my window. I invite him to come in, it's showed him the house and so I watch him going away again. I'm afraid to say that these were the fastest visits I've ever received. A simple kiss on my face and there he goes. Silent, fleeting, free.
       I can say that I miss him when heavy rains prevents him from waving at me. So I seek his presence looking at the leaves, arranged on the ground already, being dragged away.
         What really enchants me in all this gestures is that, though the wind involves me, he frees me. Although he doesn't want me to leave, he quiets down respectfully and wait my departure. When I realize, here he comes right after me, just making sure that everything will be okay. And when I wouldn't want him to leave me, I shall also give in to his desire to move forward. Sweet is our relationship.
          I think that it doesn't matter if we tell each other: "Do not worry about me." Obviously we will. As well as I will know something is wrong if he won't blow for a few days, he'll also know that something is not right about me if my window will be maintained closed for a long time.
          We live a life of missing each other, it is true, but nothing that a few minutes together won't make us forget. If these moments are done only sporadically, it's enough. Then I know that all between us can still be intense, because even if I'm not able to see him, I can still feel him.

It gets a little bit clearer...

    For any reason, you put yourself to think in the end of a sunny sunday night. It’s already Monday and here I am in a dark room. I feel sorry when I remember that life isn’t all that stuff I thought it was when I was a child. I feel so sorry when I realize that the years are able to upset even the strongest hearts. I feel sorry to remember that I’ve already hurt so important people for me and that I’m sure I’m going to do that again. I’m sorry to think that I allowed so many doors to close on my past, which is now almost stunted.
    I smile for knowing that every year in life has its ups and downs. When I analize them by a general matter, everything happened because of an important reason and, if something hadn’t happened, the year wouldn’t have been so interesting, although it could have been less quarrelsome. I smile for knowing that there are people out there willing to fight for me if needed and then I’m also thankful to say that I also have people for whom I would fight for, just like I’ve already done before. I smile because I still believe in an uncertain future made out of not just mine choices. I smile then when I remember the child I was, who didn’t know exactly what she should do all the time, but still she tried. And now, I smile to realize that sweet child turned into a romantic teenager full of dreams.
    One day, I imagined that everything I had was a simple stone. My imagination transformed that stone in a little seed. Today, that seed still has fragile twigs, but also some perennials leaves. I gladly realize that the seed has more roots than dews, but it’s weird to see that its torso is slightly crimped. Some of its branches have been pruned and others, already too dry, were taken by the wind. Few of them remained insistently there, intact over the years.
    Well, I understood that, also in our life, the seed has a predominant factor to keep growing: it’s the sure that, one day, yes, one day, she will find a tree in the exactly format she always dreamed of being. And will continue to be, from that day forward.

Just Want...

I think of you
I wonder if you remember the color of my eyes
Because I remember yours
I wonder if you know my favourite musics
Because I even know the lyrics of yours

I think of me
And just like a lynx that hides without no reason
Here I am again hiding behind my peculiar words
Trying to figure out a sense for so many looks

Strangers and fools
Lost and lovely
Judgmental glances reach my soul
Our souls then better saying
And they always want
What maybe is not the best
But just for wanting what we keep with so much care
And they end up forgetting their own ways

What really matters...

    When I finally think I’ll be fine alone, I find myself surprisingly searching something to make me keep holding on. People, moments, musics, unfoldings, all of it brings meaning to my life.
    Suddenly, in the middle of a holiday, here I am wishing to be beside those who makes me smile so intensely. No matter where, no matter for how long since I'd be with them. I’ve never thought that the distance could tell us so much about those who we really care about, but you know, lately I’ve blindly believed in this sentence.
    One day, someone asked what happiness meant to me. I thought a little before answering, but soon I arrived in a interesting answer. Happiness, definitely, is not a perpetual feeling, it’s an instant sensation.  Sometimes it lasts just a second, sometimes it lasts for days, but it’s still ephemeral.
    Happiness is a little spark, very delicate by the way, because it fades easily and it only comes back with a mighty purpose.

In a Religion Class...

I know that life changes and so does our ways
Sometimes people stay and sometimes they just go away
But even if no one understands, without even caring about the reason
Still let them go and remain alone with the illusion

But why do not we just stay equal
Contradicting all that society try to impose
Showing that we can get over much more than a simple torpor?

I realize that the world revolves around certain ideals
But it's our consent to follow them or not as fundamental principles
However, the detail is no matter what we do, it’ll be indifferent
But the way we execute it, will remain forever

An English Class...

Open my eyes

Look at the sky

Can’t see anything  not to make me cry

Then I close them again

Look inside my soul

And I can find a just mine world

It’s not that complicated, maybe  bit overrated

And I can be wrong or simply trying to hold on

Stay up all night without a melody to go

Remember the times when everything was so right

Wake up in the morning with a huge smile

It’s weird to feel this hope inside here

Even when the nobles hearts are scared

Winds bring me words

That stole the sound of magic

And make me laugh like a child in Brundswick

Rain falls apart and make me remember

The memories of a life that I don’t know how

I had forgotten 

Today was a Fairy Tale...

     You Know, I believe that in each trip we do, we make descoveries. Not just about us, but also about people that come with us.          

     We find out new  habits , we get enchanted with some actions. In a trip, we have the oportunity to know the best and the worst of each person, what can be boring and annoying or maybe fun and interesting.         

       Sometimes we meet different people. With some of them we get on very well since first sight, on the other hand, with some other, not even in second or third sight. The best thing for being in another country is that no matter what you do or how embaressed you get, there’ll be always that sentence to save you: “Oh, sorry, I’m not from here...”. This is a fact!        

     Coming back home ends up becoming something weird, because we know that we haven’t been here for fifteen days, but it just doesn’t seem real. And then, when we see the pictures to prove to ourselves that it was, it seems that everything happened a long time ago.           

     Sometimes I wish I could turn back time and live it all again like it’s the first time. Be surprised like I never did before, say again everything I said, laugh, take pictures, well, feel the same thing twice.         

     However, I wonder why we never feel the same twice and I made a conclusion: because it’s just impossible. No matter how happy you are or how messed up you’re feeling, it won’t happen again. Life is too short for we repeat the same experience. Besides, the feelings grow up with us, so it’s also always changing. Each time is gonna be different. We gotta try every feeling our brain wants to show us.         

     It’s incredible how it Works. Our brain can make us feel so happy sometimes and then, later, you feel like life is not that good. But I don’t think it’s purposeful, it just wants to let us choose our own ways, and let us know how every feeling is like.

All of this is really weird, but, at least, it’s a magic moment that's worth.   

Differentiate...

It's seems like there’s a certain ease for we to get confused about some feelings. We confuse love with friendship, irony and reality, satisfaction with happiness. Sometimes the simple fact that a person is available, is sweet and willing to help, we have the impression that it may unfold in a love story. I think it is possible, but if not, it costs nothing bet on a strong friendship. But a friendship that which one really cares about the other. In which jokes are made, but no hurt is cultivated. A friendship that a simple hug represents thousand words of consolation and a simple smile represents more than another thousand words of thanks.

                  How to distinguish irony of reality is really complicated. A slightly different intonation and the fight is done. We argue for so stupid reasons that it's almost impossible to believe in what actually occurred. Irony doesn’t always work like we want or why, but sometimes it hurts, it can be even more painful than if the reality had been told at first time. At the time that we ironize something,  we open the way for the imagination of the person who hears it to create a representation of what we meant, and believe me, the imagination can be very cruel.

                  When we think of happiness usually comes to our mind the image of a smiling person. This image is different from a person just satisfied. But the stranger in society is that it ends up being satisfied with little. It seems that when it reaches a certain satisfaction, it stops running after, like it has forgotten what truly is bliss. It's a bit annoying to go out and hear: "It is not what I wanted, but oh, okay, it is very labor continue ...". Stop the idea of giving up when there is so little to get where you want. After all, you don’t want to come to an end with that question: "Would it have been different?"

                  Love is caring, is to protect, you never forget. Friendship is having someone there to support you, even though the craziest situation you ever gotten, is knowing you have someone to share the past. Irony is a different way of looking at the world, it’s interesting I confess, but you have to know how to use it. Reality, well, reality is this whole mixture of feelings, decisions, relationships and events with which we will never get used to, just learn to deal with. Satisfaction is when we achieve something, but we know that something else can be done. And happiness is the simple fact that we can look around in all directions, and make sure we're exactly where we're supposed to be.

Booked Dates...

             "Remember the true meaning of Christmas". It's what everybody says, but you know, There is not an unique meaning for Christmas. To every single person, there’s a different value. If you ask a child, she’ll say that it’s the day to open presents. If you ask a religious he’ll say that this is the day to celebrate the birth of Christ. But ask a retired father, and he’ll say that this is the day to reunite the family.

            It’s impossible to define it as the best time of year, it certainly won’t be, but it’s just a day to remember what happened during the other 365 that surround our lives that makes it worthwhile. It is a day to stay at home, talking about anything, eating all kinds of candy that we don’t eat every day, for the hundredth time watch again those Christmas drawings by Disney and see again the loved ones who live far away.

             The New Year is not too different. It’s in the last day of the year that we start to celebrate the new one that’s coming. We make plans, jump in just one foot, eat lentils, well, we do all that stuff that might bring us good luck. But, my dear, remember that not all people celebrate this day. There are people with enough reasons not to do it, so if you just couldn’t go to another place but home to celebrate it, let it go and see what you can do.

             Shout, sing, dance, renew energy, because in less than a week, everything will start all over again and don’t forget to make it another best year of your lives. Try to overcome yourself, not just the others. So when 12 months have passed again, you’ll be able to look back and say, "It was good to have lived and I’m proud of it, but I don’t really want a repeat ..."

It's an endless cycle...

     Fights and reconciliations, maturation and overcoming, tears and fun. This is how we reached the end of another year. I think it's a bit indescribable to say what really happened because it seems that nothing actually happened because of the quickness it ended, but when we evaluate the work already done, there is no doubt that we accomplished a lot during these months of 2011.

       No matter how, there is no why, we all got a few more mature. In one way or another, we learned to appreciate the small and simple moments that occur in our lifes and also to support some situations that we don't judge pleasant. We learned that "nothing was so bad that it can't be overcome, and nothing was so good that it can't be repeated." We learned to smile for silly reasons and to cry for not so silly ones, but above all, that life is nothing more than what we decide to do with it.

     Special people came in and came out of  our daily lives. It's going to be so strange, in 2012, walk through those corridors already well known, get in the class and not see faces that used to be a routine part of 2011. Friendships have been immortalized, other have been ended. Hearts were broken, others healed. Some people closed the year with a sense of achievement, but others, with the wish that they could have done everything different. But you know, sometimes people need more time, need a second chance to realize what really matters.

     After all, dear friends, I can only thank you for making this year so different, so intense and incomparable. Thanks for all the laughter in the school halls, thanks for companions tears at the end of exams and even by those attention calls during cleanups, because we were talking too much. Anyway, just thank you, because I know that at some point, I needed you.

"From the day we arrive on the planet

And blinking, step into the sun

There's more to be seen than can ever be seen

More to do than can ever be done

Some say eat or be eaten

Some say live and let live

But all are agreed as they join the stampede

You should never take more than you give

In the circle of life

It's the wheel of fortune

It's the leap of faith

It's the band of hope

Till we find our place

On the path unwinding

In the circle, the circle of life"

Just a Simple Letter...

               Simple Plan, two words that comprise a story of passion, courage, dedication and fun. It seems that those years of waiting for the Simple Plan finally come to Porto Alegre were nothing comparing with the amazing night we had.

            I was one of the girls who had the huge opportunity to participate of the Soundcheck Party. It was just the best feeling in the world to be in there, less than two meters from the people that I thought I’d never meet. I could feel that they truly are sweet, polite and extremely patient. They are people who cares about the problems that reach other people around the world and give their best to help. I figured out that Sébastien has the sweetest eyes, David has the most beautiful smile, Jeff's education has no limits, Chuck is the most shy and Pierre, well, this one is the most misterious. See them in front of me was to be sure that all my admiration of their work and even for them will never end. I’m sure that the pictures I took with them this night will have a booked place in my mind, because I’ll never forget these moments.

            When the show started I really realized: No, it’s not a dream. If I could choose a moment from the show that I’d would like to live again I wouldn’t choose when David throw himself on the crowd, not even when I was able to take Sébastien’s blade (of course that this moments made my night even better, but…), I’d choose when Pierre said: “You know, sometimes you guys are having a bad day or something is happening in your life and it’s a little bit difficult, well, I hope that once in awhile our music can help you to put a smile on your face…”. This one was just the most beautiful sentence that they said during the whole show, and, at least for me, makes total sense, because there were days that only listening to their so subtle melodies I could smile.

            While I was waiting in the queue to get into Pepsi On Stage, I talked to people who had come from all over Brazil or, still, from Uruguay, just to watch this show that, according to the members of the band themselves, was epic. When I watch the videos I filmed during the show, it’s impossible to contain the tears, and then they fall down my face, at the same time by happines and wish that this night had never ended. I really hope that this time, the days that separate us from an upcoming Simple Plan’s show in Porto Alegre are not so numerous.

What's up with the past?

       It’s so weird to look back. Suddenly everything looks so different to me, my way to think, the places I’ve been, the problems with which I gotta lead. I’ve never ever imagined that I’d thrill me just for reading what I wrote in the past. Even if it’s just simple words or stupid assumptions. I read sentences that today make sense, but I don’t remember what I was thinking of when I wrote it months ago.
       Well, I’ve been remembering all that time between my eighth grade and my current high school, all that missing part that I felt is alive again and in a blink of an eye I can feel it in my chest. I remembered some situations that I’ve left the time to take away from me, I’ve remembered poems that I left get into my heart some years ago. I’ve forgotten all my perspective of world, I left the years to take away all the explanations to the sentences I used to write on my notebook’s cover.
       This afternoon, I had the opportunity to remember my childhood, but when I say childhood, I'm not referring that now I'm a grown up. No. I'm just a teenager searching for some sense in this totally crazy life with which I was presented. I've turned back time to when I was seven, maybe eigth years old. In that time I used to pass my afternoons at home, just with my grandmother, I didn't have many worries, not even responsabilities, I used to stay all afternoon watching cartoons on TV. But what made my heart tighten today were the memories from the times that my grandmother and I used to make some pranks. We had fun with somethings unusual for children of my age: we used to cook. Yeah, we used to pass our tedious hours making cookies, cakes, breads, and every kind of dainty that a seven year-old child likes to eat. Of course, we did all of this listening to my grandmother's favorite radio station. It was some comforting thing, and it just maddened my mom, because diet was something that did not exist when my grandmother and I stayed just we both at home.
       All of this came into my mind this afternoon when my grandmother and I found ourselves together again in front of the stove, cooking some pudding for our famous cookie pie. But in this time the soundtrack was choosen by me.
       These kind of day are the ones that makes us think in how life goes around and everything on it has a return, it's just wait, or better, don't wait, because then you will be catch by surprise, like I was taken today, and then the years are going to make the rest.

Sentences...

If at least I could show everything that lies behind my smile
If at least I were able to show what I need
If at least, somehow, I could hide myself from the doubts and meet with the truths that, in my opinion, are the most valuable treasures

And if by chance you understand just to look in my eyes what my mouth, for fear, shuts
And if in a form of irony of fate we met here in some years again and remember everything of what we went through together
And if suddenly I could be everything you ever dreamed
What if I just lost the will to fight and I just wanted to content myself with what have already passed

Sometimes I wish I could make my life a realization
Sometimes I wish I could do anything that challenges me with passion
Sometimes I wish I could turn back time and do it by another way
And then let you know everything, ever since from the first comma that concerns you

From my words there's nothing left
To express what you may not even care about
But I make clear since now that, by adverbs, it's enough just my uncertainties
And even the cold words
That have already get used my heart

It was September 2nd's morning...

Choices...

Well, this one, we write in a group in an English class. I think it's great for the first poem in English, so, here it comes...

There was a boy in a love struck

He told the girl, who just said "good luck"

She couldn't show her feelings

'Cause her friends would never understand the meanings

She used her baillerina slippers

And he only used his sneakers

She likes to listen classical

And he is more for metal

After a long time of a break

She saw him on a stage

She saw the guy in the lights

That guy that she never could see inside

He was singing a song

About a love which never last long

She wished to go back in the past

And make that special love last

But he found a girl who could see into his soul

And then she had to stay on her own

Someone who it's worth to fight for...

   Someone who makes us to wake up in the morning just to see him and wish him a good day before his work day starts. Someone who, no matter what is it, forgive all of ours stupid choices. Someone who support us and stay beside us when our mother's kind of angry about what we are doing. Someone who makes us laugh when we know we're about to cry and who makes us cry when we do something that got him upset. No matter what situation is it, he protect us, like we're the biggest treasure in the whole world.

     We get mad because of his manias, we love his hug, we hate to receive his reprovation look, but we love when he smiles with the corner of his lips, because then we know that we're doing everything right and he only does not want to say. He's our accomplice, our friend and he's such an awesome secret keeper. When we look around us and we can't find the way, when we feel under our feet the floor breaking into pieces, it's to his arms that we run forward.

     All of this has just a name, a name by which we care and to which we thank for everything we have in our lives, it's a short name comparing with the value that is has: Dad.

     Dad, thank you for all the moments beside you, thanks for putting up with me in the most unbearable days of my life and thank you for always being around when I need to feel safe. Thank you for never give me up, and for have tons of patience. I'm sorry if I'm not always the kind of person you wish I'd be, I'm sorry if sometimes I'm too persistent or a implicating girl, but be sure, dad, that I appreciate you a lot and I love to stay wondering which would be  the end of all your endless movies... Oh, I almost forgot to warn you, Happy Father's Day...

I’m five years old it’s getting cold I’ve got my big coat on
I hear your laugh and look up smiling at you 

I  don’t know why all the trees change in the fall
I know you’re not scared of anything at all
Don’t know if Snow White’s house is near or far away
But i know I had the best day with you today

I’m thirteen now and don’t know how my friends could be so mean
I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys
And we drive and drive until we found a town far enough away
And we talk and window shop till I forgot all their names

I have an excellent father

His strength is making me stronger
God smiles on my dear hero
Inside and out he’s better than I am

 Now I know why all the trees change in the fall
I know you were on my side even when I was wrong
And I love you for giving me your eyes
Staying back and watching me shine and I didn’t know if you knew
So I’m taking this chance to say that I had the best day with you today

 

P.S.: I Love You!

Just Words...

             Life is made of uncertainties. I don’t know if I’ll pass at university, I don’t know if I’ll get marriage, I mean, I don’t even know if I’ll pass this year at school. I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep the friends that this year I conquered, I not even know if I’m not going to miss the days that it was hard to understand what I’m feeling in my heart.

            My future is also uncertain, but I’m not worried about him, and I’ll never  be. I rather to look around me than just look ahead. Today, when I look to me left side, I see a little of insecurity and even a bit of frustration.  Looking at my right side, I see love, friends and people who are in there to give their best for me, their wisdom. When I look back, I see that I’ve been through a lot of different things, but I don’t regret anything, it’s the opposite, I feel proud. On the other hand, when I look  ahead, I see lots of work to be done, obstacles to be overcome, joys to be lived and, of course, love to be conquered.

            I’m afraid to be wrong about any of my affirmatives above, but I understand that life, like Chales Chaplin said one day, is like a theater that doesn’t allow testings, everything is a improvisation and, if something doesn’t come like we wished, someday we’ll realize that this “mistake”  somehow made us stronger and, because of it, we are here today, strong and willing to fight for our ideal.

The First One...

     Well, write the first text is always the hardest. No matter where, no matter about what, we are kind of scared about the first's things. The first day at school, the fist day at work, the first time we're going to sleep out of home, the first time we're going to travel alone. I really can't understand why this kind of thing happens with us, but it's this kind of fear that keeps our lives going, changing, getting better and, of course, more fun.